When I Saw You...

Better late than never......(long post ahead)

We met when I was a big mess...I just came out of the hospital after almost losing my life, as I took a long flight without a travel clearance for my TBI and was practically sick, can't walk and feeling like an invalid. I first saw you when my cousin's husband wheeled me inside their villa at Al Barari. I heard you talking to my cousin, Cleo, in Arabic and you were looking at me with your eyebrows twitched. You were wearing a brown cargo pants and a white shirt and I saw the stethoscope on your neck.

I was already inside the room and was about to be brought to the bed when Cleo told me that you were the nurse that they hired to take care and look after me while I'm recovering. You smiled and told me your name.  I did not move and did not speak. I was merely looking at you. And then you said to my cousin, he's a snob. 

The next day, you came to me and told me, "look I was hired to look after you and help you with your recovery, I am not your maid I am your nurse. So don't make things difficult for both of us". And I was just looking at you while you speak and notice the "dimples" on both of your cheeks. Nice set of teeth too. I was lost in my thought when I heard your voice booming inside my ear, "Mr Croft, did you hear my instructions?" I was startled and admitted that I didn't. So you showed me the list of medicines, the therapy schedules, the food that I could and could not eat at the moment, the scheduled check up at the hospital. And your schedule---three times a week, but if there's an emergency you can be contacted anytime. And all other things which I could no longer remember as I smelled your scent, which is so feminine and sweet. I then learned that it was Roja London Elixir Pour Femme. 

The succeeding days were normal. We were very civil. I can feel the awkwardness at times and to be honest, at first, I felt uncomfortable whenever you need to touch my arm and finger to get blood. Then that moment when I need to get my urine for urinalysis. I had a difficult time moving my wheelchair in going to the comfort room and I heard you said "need help" which I screamed "No!" You scolded me and said, "Mr Croft, I was offering to help you move your wheelchair, don't shout at me". Felt so bad and had to apologized. The first few weeks with you, I was rough, unappreciative, cold and unfocus. 

One time, you wheeled me into the green area and you asked me why I travelled to Dubai without a travel clearance from my doctors and without informing my family. I just told you that I was beating a deadline. As days progress we started to feel comfortable with each others' presence and began to share  stories about our family. We will eat lunch and dinner together and pray together. When I spiked a fever and had a terrible pain in my head, you stayed and took good care of me. Well, I was thinking, that's your job, and I don't want to think of other things. But there were times when you would stay with me when you know that I needed someone to talk to, even if its already hours after your "duty". 

Based on the information that you provided plus the stories from Cleo, you are not just an ordinary nurse. You were studying to be a doctor and your family is quite well off. Your dad is a well known doctor too. You actually don't need a job to survive in Dubai but you said you want to have your own money. 

I am thankful that you've listened to me without judging me. You prayed with me and you've helped me understand and see things in a different perspective. You were there when I cried my heart out due to frustrations, false hopes and heart break. You stayed with me when I was losing hope. I know our connection moved from being nurse-patient to friendship and I am thankful for that.

I am moving on from the most painful experience of my life and my heart is still healing...and you are too, and just like what we have agreed, we will pray for each other and we will heal together....

And yes, we are getting to know each other.... a little too well....

Happy Birthday Danni! 

.....with every part a work of art...wrap my love around you...bless the day I found you....it's plain to see...you've got to be...definition of beautiful.....

Bendecido de tener hermanos mayores...

 

Mi big brother, Zach. Estoy muy agradecido con el Señor por darme un hermano como tú. Aprecio tu amor y tus sacrificios por mí. Siempre estás ahí cuando te necesito. Estoy agradecido por todo lo que has hecho y sigues haciendo por mí. Rezo por buena salud, larga vida y más momentos felices con tu familia. Yo también siempre estaré aquí para ti. Siempre recordaré tus consejos. Gracias de nuevo Kuya 

Estoy agradecido por tu amor y apoyo, mi big sister, Zephy. Esa conversación de "corazón a corazón" fue muy apreciada. Gracias por tu tiempo. Sé que estás bastante ocupada cuidando de tus hijos y atendiendo el negocio familiar. Prometo ayudar. Gracias por todo. Te aprecio Achi.

Gracias Dios por mis hermanos mayores. Gracias Dios por el regalo de la familia.

Ya no te extraño todo el tiempo...

 ....solo en pequeños momentos cuando algo bueno pasa y casi agarro mi teléfono para contártelo solo para darme cuenta de que ya no hablamos y que ya me has cortado de tu vida....

Hubo momentos en los que pasas por mis pensamientos y todo lo que quiero es detener mi corazón y mi mente por sentirme así....

sé que estoy progresando... pero de vez en cuando... esto pasa... y juro que ya no quiero sentirme así... no quiero pensar en ti... no quiero extrañarte...

sanar es extraño... seguir adelante es difícil y confuso....

y acabo de darme cuenta... no olvidas a alguien que has amado con cada parte de ti... solo aprendes a vivir rodeado de su ausencia...

I'm Missing You Now....

 

Please take care 

I am keeping my promise :) 

Move forward with grace....

Amidst the pain...I will worship YOU

Your plan is better than mine....

This is moving on.....

There are seasons when you lose people you never thought you would lose. When prayers are left unanswered. When sadness keeps finding its way back into your life. When people try to explain why things happened, and you appreciate it, but then, their words cannot reach the pain deep inside.

But even when you cannot understand what God is doing...you can still trust Him as He is writing your story...you may not see the purpose now but you are always in His care...trusting Him even when the ending is painful...when you are hurting more each day...this is healing...this is moving on....

Realization after the break up.....

Sometimes you don't get the closure that you want....

Being left behind does not mean I am a bad person...

Being single again does not mean I need to be sad and lonely

I have to focus on God's plan in my life...He knows who's the right one for me

God's timing is better than my timeline

Healing may take time, but I know He's writing my story....

Family love is more important than ultimatum and emotional impulses 

Your ways are higher....Your plan is the best...

Thank you GOD 

Of great worth....

 

Healing prayers for my Dad

My Dad was admitted due to high PTH and elevated calcium levels. Please keep him in your prayers. Thank you.

Today....

Woke up early....walked along the garden for about ten minutes....have to be at the laboratory this morning for taking of blood and urine....will also undergo EEG later the day....I was about to call my driver, Caloy, but realized I am no longer in Dubai...(he was my cousin's driver and he was assigned to drive for me) 

I am still adjusting to the sudden change of "time zone"...I have been in UAE for almost a year and my body got used to the time zone there...but now I have to revert back to California time....

Praying for good result....aside from the minimal pain at the top and left side of my head....I am feeling better...I can already walk and run without a cane...regained my balance already.... and so I claim complete physical healing in Jesus' name...

My sister-in-law is treating us for dinner later....and I am so looking forward to it...I've missed my family so much and I am excited to spending time with them...this is my chance!

Thank you God for Your grace and mercy!

 

God's sustaining grace.....

Querido Dios...

Sé que no tengo derecho a exigirte nada. Cada bendición que tengo hoy ya es más de lo que merezco. Me has dado tanto amor que no merezco. Me has amado incondicionalmente. Pero, si puedo, ¿puedo pedirte una cosa?

Por favor, permite que reciba lo que mi corazón ha estado orando en silencio. No porque crea que lo he merecido, sino porque confío en Tu gracia y en Tu voluntad perfecta.  

Si los deseos que has puesto en mi corazón están alineados con Tus planes para mí, por favor haz un camino en Tu tiempo perfecto.  

Dame la paciencia para esperar sin perder la esperanza. Dame la fe para confiar en Ti cuando la respuesta sea “aún no”.  

Y si lo que estoy pidiendo no es lo que has preparado para mí, entonces cambia mi corazón hasta que desee lo que Tú deseas para mí. Sobre todo, Dios, no me permitas perder mi fe mientras espero.  

Que Tu gracia me sostenga, Tu paz me calme y Tu amor me recuerde que Tus planes siempre serán mejores que los míos.  

Amén

A new beginning....