Ella Es Todo Lo Que Siempre Tuve....

Me dejó la soledad

A pleno Sol

En pleno mar

Si la ves

Alguna vez

Dile que yo

La sigo amando

start of another week....

grateful that I am still alive....even if I am carrying a shattered broken heart...still breathing...still fighting...trusting that God will continue to make a way for me.....

Sunday.....

 

today's reminder.....

Almost ten months.....

I could not sleep last night... can't stop thinking about her....i miss her....and it gets deeper with time...

Then there's a message from my twin sister...called them....and we ended up crying for like half an hour...and then I heard the soothing voice of my mom...at her request, we sang "amazing grace" and she prayed for me. I know that even if we are miles apart, she can feel my pain, she can see the magnitude of the heart break that I had to endure for months now...

I've breached medical protocols just to be here in Dubai so I can prove myself...so I can at least save whatever is left of us....I thought we could be really happy again...but sadly, that did not happen....and now I am stuck here...without even knowing where she is...i am carrying a heart so broken....its a miracle that i am still alive today...

I had to undergo therapy....physical and mental....and procedures for my TBI so it won't progress....they won't give me a clearance unless I am 100%  cleared and fit to travel by air...and i was thinking back then, what will happen to me here in Dubai....although i have cousins in UAE....the family of my brother in law is in Ajman...but i feel like i have added up to the burden at home....and i don't want to be a parasite...that thought gives a heavy feeling on my chest....sure I can use my cards...but...living here is quite expensive...medical procedures are costly...and my medical insurance...was unable to cover all of it....

I've been here for more than nine (9) months....actually almost ten (10) months....the longest that I have been away from my family....

I thank God that I am making progress with the therapies and can't wait to attend the final sessions...I am still walking with a cane but I am already able to do things on my own...i have already tried brisk walking without it and except for some minor glitches...i have overcome...and slowly progressively recovering my balance....

I am currently working...wow...never thought that I would be working in Dubai...and its in the gold park...i mean literally seeing real gold, platinum and silver....I get to ride the Dubai Metro....with some misadventures....but hey I am still alive....and not detained....i don't know why I always feel sleepy inside the train....

I am still hoping and praying that she would give me the chance to see her...even for the last time...although i know she's happy now without me....and I just want to be like that too...happy without her....i am learning to let go...to move on...little by little...every day....

thank you GOD....Your sustaining grace is amazing....Your love is awesome...You are a great miracle working God...

You are faithful....

Respect my pain...

 

No Sé....

 .......cómo dejar de extrañarte...Sé que no debería sentirme así... sé que debería concentrarme en seguir adelante..

Todavía pienso en ti por la noche... cuando todo está en silencio... siempre recuerdo esos momentos en los que dormíamos juntos aunque estuviéramos a kilómetros de distancia... todavía recuerdo el sonido de tu respiración... la calma que trae...

a veces me pregunto si tú también me extrañas... aunque sea un poquito... aunque sea por un momento... pero supongo que no... tal vez realmente hayas seguido adelante... y yo soy solo la que se ha quedado aquí, tratando de averiguar cómo seguir sin ti....

acabo de ver tu mensaje y la llamada perdida... y Dios sabe cuánto deseo hablar contigo... verte... aunque sea por última vez...

los dos merecemos un cierre mejor que este...

today's prayer....

sobreviví otro día...

 

Gracias Dios por Tu gracia que sostiene....

Nosotros Estamos Lentamente....

 ........desvaneciéndose el uno del otro...parece que estás bien sin saber de mí y yo estoy aprendiendo a vivir sin escuchar tu voz, sin leer tus mensajes...

Te extraño más de lo que las palabras podrían expresar... anhelo por ti todos los días y estoy luchando tanto por no sentirlo... por no pensar en ti... por no mirar tus fotos... por no escuchar tus mensajes grabados...

..quedándome en silencio es como te amo ahora...dándote tu espacio y respetando tu mundo...sé que eres feliz ahora sin mí...estás ocupado viviendo tu vida...sé que ni siquiera piensas en mí...no te importo y yo también quiero ser así...feliz sin ti...

...estoy aquí...todavía en Dubái...me dije a mí mismo que no quiero volver a casa en San Francisco sin al menos verte...decirte adiós...abrazarte al menos por última vez...pero realmente no sé si siquiera querrías verme...estoy aquí...acostumbrándome al vacío...acostumbrándome a estar sin ti...