painfully happy

a night ago.....

and so we were able to talk...after weeks of silence....

so many hurting words

i was accused

"you are neglecting me"

"you are ignoring me"

"you told me you will fix things..its been months"

at first when the call was answered....there was silence....deafening painful silence

i was actually sleeping and was just awakened by her call

i got to admit...when i saw her name flashing on my phone screen...my heart smiled

i was hoping she would talk or say anything....i miss her sweet voice...but there was just silence..... 

and then she ended the long uncomfortable silence with

"what do you want from me?"

i want you...just you...simply you

but i could not speak...and just asked her back...

"what"

and then the nagging begin....

painful words...the usual accusations...and then the most painful thing 

"end this....i want to look after myself...my health"

"you want to break up with me?"

no answer

then the painful words continued

and so i cried....boxed the wall of my room...hit the frame of my bed with my head...crying 

"stop crying, i cant talk to you when you are crying...be a man and stop crying"

but how can i stop crying...hurting...the woman that i have loved with all my heart and soul is asking me to end our relationship....i feel like my heart is about to explode

i could not accept that because of someone's selfish motive...i would be destroyed...and accused....and now about to lose the only woman i have ever wanted and desired for myself

and then the connection was interrupted...we could no longer connect 

she was asking me if we can try other platforms....but i could not seem to connect

and so we decided to try using another platform later so that i can eat and take my medicines and that she can also sleep because its almost early morning in her time zone

yes, i begged her to reconsider her decision

then after almost 2 hours...she asked me...

where are you? shall we sleep?

________

the next day.,..night in her time

she called....missed it twice

i was very sleepy as i took some pain reliever and antibiotic for my cornial abrasion

when i answered the call....there was silence again....

she's not talking...i am scared to start the conversation....

but the thought of her....on the other line...as i was laying down in my bed....made my heart happy

oh how i long to be with her...sleep with her....just like before

and so i was coughing....

finding it hard to breathe.....the usual thing

and then i think i snored and i can hear her reacting to it

she said something which i did not clearly hear

and so she asked...."i was asking if u want a hug?"

and i cried....and said..."yes please"

"hugging you"

and so I fell asleep...back in her arms....it may be temporary...but i long for that moment and my heart felt happy....my tears were falling as i drifted to sleep

my love....my rain....my mi amor...is with me