currently...

 ....admitted/confined/jailed to a hospital bed

.... done with EEG, endless pricking for blood test and other laboratory procedures

.... arms, fingers, head, legs are aching

....carrying a broken heart

--- currently with fever 

I hope this pain kills me....I am very tired. 

Tired....

 ....but praying that God will sustain me and give me courage to go on.....amidst the terrible pain...

....another set of doctors...new hospital....scheduled procedures and therapies....God please help me..

It's all about you...Jesus

I still could not believe.....

 ...that I am spending Christmas....with a broken heart....a crushed spirit....away from my family...in another part of the globe....

  I can't bring myself to be happy...I can't even smile...had a little of the delicious food that was prepared for the occasion....I kept on thinking about someone who clearly does not even think about me and does not want me in her life..

But as I pray...God reminded me that even if my circumstances has changed...His love is constant...He is faithful and He is always present in whatever season I am in....

Thank you God

broken....

I breached medical protocol and disobeyed my parents.....made a big leap of what I thought would make me whole...would make me happy....even if I don't even know where to start....I was hoping she would tell me where I could possibly meet her...finally see her again..... I have encountered tremendous challenges on the flight and upon arrival....almost lost my life...but it didn't matter....I am seeing her...and that's the main agenda.....

But in the end.... I was left behind....I was disregarded.....I am still not enough....I got stuck in a place where my heart experienced more pain.. and I feel so broken....I don't even know if my heart would mend...if my soul will find solace....if my body will heal 

For now, my heart and my mind are numb....I still can't process this outcome.....I just want to breathe...live one day at a time...while slowly accepting all that just happened and what's happening....

I've never been so broken....God, please help me get thru this...

You were....

 ...the one that I have loved and dreamed of spending the rest of my life with

I always dream of waking up seeing your beautiful smile and hearing your voice, feeling your touch

Losing you means losing the life I have imagined growing old in

This pain scars me...and it will continue to hurt....for the rest of my life

I love you so much...Reynalyn 

It Won't Heal....

How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again

I hope the pain kills me....

Cracks of My Broken Heart