Woke up with a splitting headache....I don't know if its the "Weider Sleep" that I took but did not make me sleep...and instead...made me think about death and other weird stuff.
I tried to get out of the closet for some breather but I just could not stand up. I crawled into the tub and decided to stay there for a few minutes...closed my eyes and prayed
I don't know if I fell asleep there....because I was startled by the barking of the dogs....and suddenly felt really cold..
So I decided to take a warm shower....I let the water washed away my tears.....I don't know how to face this day....knowing there will be no message from her...and I would not be able to stop thinking about her every minute of the day....even if I try to get busy....I just could not shake her out of my mind...the struggle is real...especially when I know she's not even thinking of me.....
As I was walking towards my bed I tripped over my luggage....and it hurts really....that Sterling Pacific Travel Case is so solid and sturdy....and my left foot was in agony for a few minutes....and while I was there on the floor....I started to think....considering that she's no longer talking to me...her recent messages are like "copy paste" "insincere" "forced" "thumbs up".....am I really expecting her to talk to me or even see me.....will all these efforts so I could travel be really worth it....or I am just walking towards a more painful journey.....will the long flight worth it......and then I remember those messages...telling me about her new man....that she's happy without me...even telling me...fuck off....leave her alone.....
But I want to really see her...even if its for the last time....tell her how much I love her....how much I care for her...and for her to give me that chance to prove myself...although she already told me...that it was so stupid of her to give me a chance....
It really hurts when you were already judged before you could even explain your side....you became the villain when you are actually the victim...and the person that you thought would stand by your side...had abandoned you...
I know she's happy now...enjoying her life....her freedom....while I am still here...stuck...in the same place where she left me...still crying over her...missing her terribly...while she's busy forgetting me...
Why is this happening to me? I just want to love and be loved....not to be tortured by the pain of not having the woman that I have loved so much...
God, please help me....I really wish this pain would kill me.....
No comments:
Post a Comment