2 things....

 What do you want from me? She asked

  I want YOU and I want US...

  my ONLY answer...

 

Someone

comos eliges....

 ..... la alegria cuando ty corazon se rompe en millones de pedazos? 

a sign?

 exchanging messages

 i've been wanting to call her

but i don't know if its the right thing to do

she seemed busy

my head was hurting

she told me to take my medicines and rest

oh before she would call and would stay with me until i fall asleep

maybe i was expecting too much

i sent a sad emoji

she asked if i am okay

i could not tell her that i am not

and that i want to call her and be with her

"i just want to be with you"

it took a while before she answered

"take care"

i was very hurt....is this the sign that i have been waiting

she does not love me anymore

i decided to take my "weider capsule"

drifted to dream land with my tears and frustrations

woke up after 4 hours....

saw a missed call 

was it a pity call? 

painfully happy

a night ago.....

and so we were able to talk...after weeks of silence....

so many hurting words

i was accused

"you are neglecting me"

"you are ignoring me"

"you told me you will fix things..its been months"

at first when the call was answered....there was silence....deafening painful silence

i was actually sleeping and was just awakened by her call

i got to admit...when i saw her name flashing on my phone screen...my heart smiled

i was hoping she would talk or say anything....i miss her sweet voice...but there was just silence..... 

and then she ended the long uncomfortable silence with

"what do you want from me?"

i want you...just you...simply you

but i could not speak...and just asked her back...

"what"

and then the nagging begin....

painful words...the usual accusations...and then the most painful thing 

"end this....i want to look after myself...my health"

"you want to break up with me?"

no answer

then the painful words continued

and so i cried....boxed the wall of my room...hit the frame of my bed with my head...crying 

"stop crying, i cant talk to you when you are crying...be a man and stop crying"

but how can i stop crying...hurting...the woman that i have loved with all my heart and soul is asking me to end our relationship....i feel like my heart is about to explode

i could not accept that because of someone's selfish motive...i would be destroyed...and accused....and now about to lose the only woman i have ever wanted and desired for myself

and then the connection was interrupted...we could no longer connect 

she was asking me if we can try other platforms....but i could not seem to connect

and so we decided to try using another platform later so that i can eat and take my medicines and that she can also sleep because its almost early morning in her time zone

yes, i begged her to reconsider her decision

then after almost 2 hours...she asked me...

where are you? shall we sleep?

________

the next day.,..night in her time

she called....missed it twice

i was very sleepy as i took some pain reliever and antibiotic for my cornial abrasion

when i answered the call....there was silence again....

she's not talking...i am scared to start the conversation....

but the thought of her....on the other line...as i was laying down in my bed....made my heart happy

oh how i long to be with her...sleep with her....just like before

and so i was coughing....

finding it hard to breathe.....the usual thing

and then i think i snored and i can hear her reacting to it

she said something which i did not clearly hear

and so she asked...."i was asking if u want a hug?"

and i cried....and said..."yes please"

"hugging you"

and so I fell asleep...back in her arms....it may be temporary...but i long for that moment and my heart felt happy....my tears were falling as i drifted to sleep

my love....my rain....my mi amor...is with me 

still....

 still crazy about your eyes.....missing the sound of your voice...the sound of your laughter...and that smile that takes all the sadness within me....i miss you terribly....i love you so much 

I will always choose you....

 

my always....

 

sufrimientos

 

Dando nueva vida después de una lesión cerebral traumática

 Ha pasado un año desde el incidente que alteró mi vida y la de mi familia y seres queridos.

Era simplemente un día normal para mí, con la rutina habitual: escuela, trabajo, gimnasio. Y mi corazón estaba feliz porque finalmente estoy en una relación especial después de estar soltera durante años. De hecho, estuve hablando con ella unas horas antes de que sucediera y ella me decía que descansara y durmiera. Estaba entonces hablando con mi primo-amigo, Doc Godo, cuando sentí que mi cuerpo se estaba entumeciendo y todo se estaba poniendo negro. Ya no recuerdo lo que pasó después de eso.

Me dijeron que mi hermano mayor Zach me encontró desplomada en el piso de mi baño, casi sin vida, sin apenas respirar y con el pulso muy débil. Cuando me levantó dijo que tenía sangre en la nuca. Me llevaron de urgencia a urgencias y me ingresaron en la UCI. Estuve inconsciente durante días. El diagnóstico inicial fue hipotensión.

Cuando finalmente abrí los ojos después de días en coma, tuve que someterme a muchas pruebas para determinar el alcance del daño a mi sistema. Estaba enganchado a máquinas que nunca pensé que existieran. Por un tiempo ni siquiera puedo mover mi cuerpo. Me sentí muy débil.

Pero la sanación y la misericordia de Dios llegaron a mí a través del amor y las oraciones de mi familia y mis seres queridos y, después de meses en la UCI, me transfirieron a una habitación normal. De hecho, pasé casi todo el año 2023 en el hospital.

Todavía estoy en terapia y tomando medicamentos para una recuperación saludable. A veces es frustrante, pero estoy decidido a seguir luchando hasta recuperarme por completo.

Gracias a mi familia (Dad, Mom, Zach, Dona, Gian, Dana, Zephy, Arfrid, Zafi, Zia, Mikey y Nini) por todo el amor y apoyo. Gracias por no rendirte conmigo y por ser mi mayor sistema de apoyo. Tengo mucha suerte de tenerlos a todos. Te quiero mucho mi familia.

A mis primos hermanos Godo y Ponsi, gracias por estar ahí para mí durante todo ese difícil viaje. A Yaku Lex, Kuya Doc, Achi Yei, Diche Reese, Ate Etzhel, Sed, Diko Ned, primos de Puerto Rico, el resto de mis primos de (Joaquin, Germar, Ojeda, Croft), otros familiares, compañeros de iglesia, compañeros de trabajo, amigos. , compañeros de colegio y a todos los que oraron por mí, muchas gracias.

Gracias a todos los médicos que manejan mi caso y todavía me ayudan a recuperarme y recuperarme bien.

A mi "Mi Amor", gracias my Rain. Gracias por aguantar y por quedarte aunque sea más conveniente irte. Gracias por animarme a luchar y por creer en mí. Sé que hemos pasado por muchas cosas y nuestros planes se detuvieron debido al incidente, y doy gracias a Dios porque todavía estás ahí amándome y abrazándome cerca. Te amo mucho.

A mi señor y salvador Jesu Cristo, gracias por darme esta segunda vida. gracias por tu amorosa bondad y misericordia. por favor continúa curándome y ayúdame con mi recuperación. Confío en tu gran amor por mí.

"Por la misericordia de Dios no hemos sido consumidos, porque nunca decayeron sus misericordias. Nuevas son cada mañana; grande es tu fidelidad." -Lamentaciones 3:22-23

Always you.....

 

The silence between us.....

There's a peculiar ache in the stillness of a room illuminated only by the faint glow of a phone screen

Every second feels heavier when the voice you long to hear has been replaced by silence

It is not the absence of words that hurts, but the absence of your voice.

A voice that once painted my days in vibrant colors, now feels like a distant echo in the chambers of my mind

I replay old conversations, searching for the warmth in your laughter, 

Holding onto the fragile strings of memories woven with love, 

But tonight, the emptiness is louder than my heartbeats

This phone lying beside me, lifeless, is not just a device

It is a symbol of every unspoken word, every unsent message

Every call I hesitated to make because I did not want to seem too vulnerable

I wonder if you are lying somewhere too

Staring at your screen, fighting the same battle with pride

Waiting for me to say the words we both need to hear

"I Miss You"

Not just the person, but the peace that only you bring

Not just the voice, but the solace it wraps me in

Not just the presence but the completeness it brings to my chaos

But for now  I will lie here in quiet war with my heart

Hoping the silence between us is temporary

And that love will find a way back to the conversation

I love you....so much...Reynalyn 

what kind of rest?

 I don't know how to explain my feelings right now

All I can say is that my heart feels so heavy and all I want to do is cry

I want to rest but I don't know what kind of rest would it be

Will it be in peace? 

Mommy

 Gracias Mommy. Tu abrazo reconfortante y tu amor incondicional son bendiciones para mi corazon adolorido. Gracias por hacerme darme cuenta de que deberia amarme mas y que deberia proteger mi paz. Te quiero Mommy.

maturity.....

 "We fight, we fix, we stay"

Most people don't want to hear this....(err read, I mean)

But real relationships that last involve a lot of forgiveness

You have to accept the fact that your partner isn't perfect and you are not perfect either

You will hurt each other, disappoint each other and upset each other

You have to figure out if you are willing to go thru ups and down

Ahhh...relationship 

making progress....

 Hurdled many painful episodes of falling and rolling during the last PT session but I feel that I am gaining more strength especially with my knees and legs. Thank you GOD 

source: my iPhone Journal; Sept 25, 2024; ccto of the image below 

at least....

So....we were able to talk when she got home.

It was cold at first....more silence from both ends....

But we ended up sleeping and virtually hugging each other as we sleep 

I no longer hear her say she loves me 

Although she said thank you for the flowers that I sent to her office

Praying that things will get better

Yes I'm hurting...in pain

But at least...I am with her

Source: my iPhone journal; Sept 26, 2024

a pierce in my heart

I patiently waited for you to come home as I was hoping I could spend the remaining hours of your birthday with me but things turn from excitement to sadness. I feel like a knife pierced my heart when in the midst of our argument you said "why don't u look for someone else". this was after I told you that even if we argue, we fight, even if I am hurting I will still choose you

Source: my journal, iPhone13; sept 25, 2024