What do you want from me? She asked
I want YOU and I want US...
my ONLY answer...
Sunday, March 30, 2025
a sign?
exchanging messages
i've been wanting to call her
but i don't know if its the right thing to do
she seemed busy
my head was hurting
she told me to take my medicines and rest
oh before she would call and would stay with me until i fall asleep
maybe i was expecting too much
i sent a sad emoji
she asked if i am okay
i could not tell her that i am not
and that i want to call her and be with her
"i just want to be with you"
it took a while before she answered
"take care"
i was very hurt....is this the sign that i have been waiting
she does not love me anymore
i decided to take my "weider capsule"
drifted to dream land with my tears and frustrations
woke up after 4 hours....
saw a missed call
was it a pity call?
Wednesday, March 26, 2025
painfully happy
a night ago.....
so many hurting words
i was accused
"you are neglecting me"
"you are ignoring me"
"you told me you will fix things..its been months"
at first when the call was answered....there was silence....deafening painful silence
i was actually sleeping and was just awakened by her call
i got to admit...when i saw her name flashing on my phone screen...my heart smiled
i was hoping she would talk or say anything....i miss her sweet voice...but there was just silence.....
and then she ended the long uncomfortable silence with
"what do you want from me?"
i want you...just you...simply you
but i could not speak...and just asked her back...
"what"
and then the nagging begin....
painful words...the usual accusations...and then the most painful thing
"end this....i want to look after myself...my health"
"you want to break up with me?"
no answer
then the painful words continued
and so i cried....boxed the wall of my room...hit the frame of my bed with my head...crying
"stop crying, i cant talk to you when you are crying...be a man and stop crying"
but how can i stop crying...hurting...the woman that i have loved with all my heart and soul is asking me to end our relationship....i feel like my heart is about to explode
i could not accept that because of someone's selfish motive...i would be destroyed...and accused....and now about to lose the only woman i have ever wanted and desired for myself
and then the connection was interrupted...we could no longer connect
she was asking me if we can try other platforms....but i could not seem to connect
and so we decided to try using another platform later so that i can eat and take my medicines and that she can also sleep because its almost early morning in her time zone
yes, i begged her to reconsider her decision
then after almost 2 hours...she asked me...
where are you? shall we sleep?
________
the next day.,..night in her time
she called....missed it twice
i was very sleepy as i took some pain reliever and antibiotic for my cornial abrasion
when i answered the call....there was silence again....
she's not talking...i am scared to start the conversation....
but the thought of her....on the other line...as i was laying down in my bed....made my heart happy
oh how i long to be with her...sleep with her....just like before
and so i was coughing....
finding it hard to breathe.....the usual thing
and then i think i snored and i can hear her reacting to it
she said something which i did not clearly hear
and so she asked...."i was asking if u want a hug?"
and i cried....and said..."yes please"
"hugging you"
and so I fell asleep...back in her arms....it may be temporary...but i long for that moment and my heart felt happy....my tears were falling as i drifted to sleep
my love....my rain....my mi amor...is with me
Tuesday, March 18, 2025
still....
still crazy about your eyes.....missing the sound of your voice...the sound of your laughter...and that smile that takes all the sadness within me....i miss you terribly....i love you so much
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